Somebody hit the lights - July 16, 2009

If there was a Korean female band I had to choose to be my current favorite, it would be 2ne1, probably.  Not only are they free from the rather feminine/slutty image most Korean girl bands are subject to, they have amazing hairstylists.  And yes, that is reason enough at this point because Korean girls usually lack creativity and style and BOLDNESS when it comes to styles like this.

Mommy, can I get that hairstyle? And the bike?

You have no idea HOW JEALOUS I WAS OF CL when I saw her hair.  I watched ‘Fire’ over and over again just to live vicariously through her.  >:[

And I love their clothes too, sometimes, minus the bright colors, I think.  I love what CL (the one with the awesome hairstyle above) is wearing in the music video (shown below).  I would definitely wear an outfit like that if the jacket color scheme wasn’t so clashing and it had a hoodie. (PLUS, THAT HAIR!!!)

I’ve ALWAYS wanted to have my hair in something like a mohawk/fohawk but I know it’d be weird if I cut my hair too short, and CL’s hairstylist found the perfect substitute!   Now if only I was rich enough to afford a stylist to come and make my hair like that every day…

Yeah.  I’ve always been happy doing drastic with my hair changes because I get bored of it easily.  I wonder what I’ll end up settling for this time.  I wanted to grow out my hair before, but I’m really starting to believe that bangs are the best for me and my type of face.  So expect something soon, before my patience runs out.  And let’s hope my mom won’t be too horrified (flashback sophomore year when I cut my hair off to spike it up).

You know you got it - July 8, 2009

Don’t ever presume to know me.  It’s not something I’m saying out of arrogance, or haughty pride – it’s a simple precaution you should take when you meet/befriend/talk to me.

There are things that will forever remain the same; my guilty-pleasure-love for Korean boy bands, my appreciation for all types of music, my adoration for sushi & Chipotle, and my attraction to tall, handsome, and generally unattainable men. 

But as far as personality, and thought, and action goes, I’ve been called unpredictable (by two very reliable friends/sources)  and while that’s not necessarily a compliment, I don’t take it as an insult either.  I don’t think I like being categorized or stereotyped into a neat little box.  And maybe that’s a little bit selfish of me, but that’s the way I am.

For example, I can be extremely blunt and to-the-point, or ridiculously indulgent of people’s feelings (don’t worry, Sarah, I never lie to you).  I can be sarcastic and biting and cynical, but I’m perfectly capable of being sincere, and warm, and upbeat.  I can be ridiculously insensitive and then cry over Grey’s Anatomy.  And that is all me.  None of it is fake, because I hate fake more than anything else.  (Although, only close friends have the privilege of knowing truths.  If you’re not proven trustworthy to me, I won’t mind lying to you.)

Or sometimes I get angry and I have no idea why the source of my anger has even sparked my temper (it can be something insignificant, and I know it’s insignificant, but I’ll get all “rawr” anyway).  Sometimes I sense things and although they may turn out wrong, they change me entirely.

I don’t know.

But I hate it when people assume of my reasons, or motivations behind my actions; unless I say it out loud and actually confirm the ‘why’ question, don’t presume.  Because I would love to prove you wrong.

Please don’t stop the music - June 22, 2009

I am a proud member of STAND – Strong ‘Till All Nine Disappear - a group (that is slowly growing every day) that calls for the disbanding of the Korean girl band, Girl’s Generation (So Nyuh Shi Dae). 

Some people can call me a hater and that’s fine, because it’s true.  I absolutely hate their music and their concept and their mere representation of Korean culture.  I find it offensive and ridiculous and embarrassing.

It’s true that I don’t know them personally, I will admit that I have no idea what type of people they really may be.  But if the racist comments (“For a black person, she’s really pretty!”) and the rude imitations of their sunbaes (Shinhwa) are of any indication, I don’t want to know them.  Sometimes I think that SM keeps SNSD out in the entertainment world just to attract anti-fans. 

To defend myself against most common protests against my STAND status, I must say the following.

I don’t care if they did plastic surgery.  I mean, yeah, they were hella fugly before they did the procedures but plastic surgery is pretty much an expectation in Korea.  If you’re not worth looking at, you’re not worth much as a singer is the message that is dominant in Korean culture.  I mean, look at one of my previous posts.  I have no qualms about produced beauty.  However, I would expect that with the amount of surgery gone into creating nine mannequin-ish individuals, they would have some talent, which is not the case.  Studio-induced sounds and high-pitched, scary giggles are seriously not considered talent in my book, unfortunately.  I listen to ‘Gee’ and my heart breaks because I know that people around the world will listen to it and immediately get a horrible impression of K-POP, of Korean culture in general.  If you’re a singer, you’ve got to love singing and entertaining and dedicate yourself wholly to that responsibility, which I’ve yet to see from any of the nine dolls. (before & after shown below – credit to ily_hyewon @ soompi.com)

Don't remember her name.

Taeyeon - racist leader.

Tiffany - embarrassing all Korean Americans.

Yoona - not too bad, really.

Don't remember her name, either.

Darling Sunny - LSM's niece.

Yuri - I think?

HAHAHA, MY FAVORITE - Jessica.

Hyoyeon - dancer.

And there you have it.  And no, I’m not mocking their ugly before pictures.  I just want to show you that there is no possible way that they DID NOT do plastic surgery (as many fans claim that they are all natural); maturity does NOT drastically change the shape of your nose – I would know. 

And secondly, I am not jealous of the relationship SNSD has with DBSK and Super Junior.  Guys need females in their lives, I understand that.  They could secretly be having a relationship, I understand that, too.  I’m not a rabid fan who wants to keep the dream alive by isolating my favorite boy bands from females they might know and be friends with. 

Apparently, evidence. (Taeyeon/Junsu)

Admittedly, as a singer and a representative of Korean culture, I think Junsu could do better.  HOWEVER, I fully realize that Taeyeon may be the sweetest girl alive and the right girl for him.  If that’s the case, I am very happy for them and I hope that fans will not go crazy (on both sides) trying to tear them apart.

However, SNSD fans are another issue entirely.  I understand that males (especially Korean males) may be turned on by the sweet, seductive image that SNSD has conquered with their shy attitudes and short skirts, but that does not excuse their fans’ rude and violent reactions to other group’s fans in Dream Concert 2008.  SNSD has, admittedly, more anti-fans than fans and during their performance, it seems as if many of the audience members turned off their glow sticks in protest, which infuriated SNSD’s fans who resorted to rape, knife stabs, and other brutal tactics to scare the anti-fans.  (Please correct me if I’m wrong on this).  I’m not saying SNSD’s entirely to blame for their fans, but I would at least EXPECT and HOPE that SNSD would issue a statement asking their fans to calm down and be more respectful to other groups and their fans. 

Of course not.

SNSD is notorious among netizens for their disrespectful, rather childish and overdone antics.  And almost insulting responses, such as Tiffany giggling at a report of the Sichuan earthquake – apparently the deaths and devastation of thousands of lives are hilarious! I can handle raunchy, but I still don’t want to see your underwear, thanks. 

In any case, I can go on forever (which I have).  This is only a bit of why I really truly do not like Girls’ Generation.

SOME OTHER ANTI-FAN MATERIAL:
http://www.standintl.net/
http://shenyuepop.com/2008/05/24/get-to-know-snsd-tiffany/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AEUjU488Aac
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FNxPUOXaOl0&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/user/STANDsubs
http://shenyuepop.com/2008/06/11/why-did-it-happen/

NOTE – I do not condone violence or any harm done to SNSD members.  I and my fellow STAND members believe in civil action until they are disbanded.  Please do not see us as a group of crazy anti-fans like many others.

Hold me down, sweet and low - May 28, 2009

The good thing about never being satisfied about myself is the fact that I will always have room and motivation for improvement.  Whether it’s a physical change, a surgical change, and especially the formation of wearing my style on my sleeve (literally), it’s important to me, even if it’s not top priority.

Surgical (I/III)

Lasik Eye Surgery – I’m sure I don’t have to explain this one; I’m extremely blind and it would be so amazing to wake up and not have to go through the motions of inserting the contact lenses.  One thing, though, I like black-rimmed glasses immensely.  Maybe I’ll wear them for fashionable purposes after I do the surgery.

Scares the hell out of me.

Submental Lipectomy - This is also called Neck Fact Incision (a neck lift), which proves the theory that there is plastic surgery for just about anything and everything your little heart desires.  I have long hated my neck shape, the saggy way it curves from my chin and transitions to my neck.  I think this is seriously detrimental to my overall appearance and I want to tighten it.  (According to my brother, it’ll go away when I lose weight, but I don’t think he realizes exactly how I want to look).  Scars last up to 12 months, but I’m willing to wait that long.

Aw, such lovely drastic results.

Rhinoplasty - I’m actually on the fence about this one.  Some days, I look at my nose and I think I can deal with it without changing it.  Other days, it’s the most prominent feature on my face and I hate it.  I want – so much – for the bridge of my nose to be raised and the end of it to be cute and pointed, not round like a bulb.  And I won’t lie.  After I visited Korea this summer, I began to more seriously consider this procedure, along with the one to shave down my jawline.  I hate how Korean singers and actresses can affect my views on my appearance so much, but I think it just goes to show how much I am unsatisfied with myself.

Let's be completely honest - she looks WAY better now.

Laser Scar Removal - Aside from the ugly scars on the backs of my hands, I have a lot of other discolored scars and scratches that I would like to get rid of.  My skin has always given me despair.  I also put sun-caused moles under this category (I get them every day and I even have one on the tip of my middle finger).

Thank God for laser procedures.

Mastopexy - Also known as the breast lift; I’m not seriously considering this (yet) but I think it’s important to.  After I get up there in the years, I think it’ll be a seriously attractive option that I should think through.  I’m not going to put up a picture, though, because I’m in class and I’m sure people sitting behind me would be disturbed to see me browsing through pictures of (scarred?) breasts.

Laser Hair Removal - I wish I got my dad’s genes, because he’s virtually HAIRLESS.  Honestly, imagine how much money I could have saved from not buying hair removal products, and how much time I could have saved from NOT shaving my legs like a chore every once in a while.  Ugh.  And Asians are supposed to be hairless.

This is virtually amazing.

One last thing, I know that the few people who do read my entries are all close friends who will understand this entry as one that is not endorsing plastic surgery or attaching priority to physical appearance.  If you are not a close friend and stumbled upon this by chance, do not judge me.  Please.  I mean, you can, but it’d be incredibly dumb and narrow-minded of you.

I said, you got the wrong number - May 20, 2009

When I was younger, I remember talking to mom about marriage.  Back then, I was rather naive and thought that the greatest thing I could do in terms of marriage was marry a white individual.  I could imagine the apparent loveliness of our children, the exotic hues of green and hazel up in the air as options for eye colors instead of plain brown, with the aura Eurasian halflings usually exude in terms of appearance.  I was all set.

My mother’s response was: “Don’t even joke about it.”

And I was hurt, and I was scared that I would have to fight my family in the future (my brother is like a third parent who actually speaks English and uses Facebook) to marry the one I love (who wouldn’t be Korean).  I am happy to say that my mindset is slowly changing (maturing) to that of my parents.  Okay, so maybe I’m a bit too young to think about marriage (am I?) but here’s a short list of why so far -

Top Five Reasons EJ Should Hitch With a Korean Dude (in no particular order):

5.) The food.  I love Korean food, and I will never ever be able to live completely without cooking up bean paste soup or just busting out the rice from the fridge.  I love seaweed, sweetened, crunchy anchovies, and (mildly) kimchi.  I love tofu and … well, you get the idea.  When I’m married and the AMAZING COOKING SKILLS OF MY MOM pass onto me (fingers are crossed), I want to be able to put kimchi jjigae in front of my hubbie, and not have to explain what it is.

4.) The culture.  As someone with a diversely ethnic group of friends, I understand the importance of culture and how it affects our mannerisms and ideas.  For example, my Middle Eastern suitemates are used to warmly hugging strangers before kissing them on the cheek twice.  Koreans are wonderful with deep bows and stiff handshakes.  I’m not saying I wouldn’t love to hug a stranger before puckering up, but it’s just a small example of how cultures clash.  I love how Koreans are polite to their elders, and give them the due respect.  Sometimes I hate it because the elders abuse their position, but I know that I am happy we treat them differently.

3.) The family (in-laws).  My parents are amazing people.  I know, I know, where did I come from?  I ask myself that everyday, because if I was half as amazing as my folks, I’d be brilliant.  But anyway, they are very amazing, and I’m sure they’d love to be able to connect with my husband’s parents.  That way, we’d be a real family, with real happiness.  Imagine the language barrier, or the culture clash that would produce so many awkward moments at the dinner table, or the meeting discussing the wedding.  I want my family to be a real family, because that’s important to me.

2.) The family (offspring).  So maybe they’re not going to be light-eyed with porcelain skin.  Maybe they’ll be chubby and dark-eyed and squinty and cute.  (Please, God, please.  Let them get all of the husband’s genes.)  So they’re not going to be necessarily good-looking in that exotic-no-one-can-resist way, but hey, I don’t want my kids to have major identity confusion going on when they hit puberty.  I struggled simply because I was a Korean-American! And I want them to be not just “pureblood” or whatever, but I want them to be in tune with their Korean heritage and roots and language and culture and custom and … I want them to be Korean American like me.

1.) The connection.  As my husband, the guy I marry will have to be the one person in the entire universe that I am completely comfortable with, anytime, all the time.  And honestly, I would love it if he could connect with me on all levels, cultural and customary and everything else in the mix. Because marriage is something I really want to do once and that means I have to get it right this one time.  And I’m not willing to forget my own needs to search for someone who “might” be perfect, but isn’t.  Does that make sense?

Anyway, fun fact – UCSD makes non-Asian girls like Asian guys.  HAHAHA.

I got you under my skin - May 12, 2009

I really want to be a mother.  Sarah and I were talking about it for a while last night and I realized that I really, really want to have kids.  I don’t even know why.  I remember I had this dream once this year, that I was pregnant (no idea who the father was), but I was ecstatic when I ran my hands over my ballooned tummy.  I woke up feeling all giddy and warm from that dream; I think that was my deciding point about getting married and having children.

I respect people like Susan Sarandon who don’t get married to their significant others but maintain a working relationship as a family, but I really think I want my children to grow up in a stable and close-knit family foundation.  I also hope that my husband will be earning enough money for me to stay at home and focus entirely on them, because I don’t think I’d be able to leave them at home with a babysitter.  Not that I don’t think that working mothers are the most amazing sort.

I want to have at least four kids.  I used to want all sons, and I still do, but I know I would still love my daughter as much as any other child if God blessed me with one.  I just hope that she gets my mom’s genes for looks and personality because I was a brat when I got older.

I know my parents are waiting for me to get married and all that, and I’m actually very glad that they are because I am, too.  I want to be pregnant by 25.  That gives me, roughly, five years and eight months, God willing.

You know, this means I should get in shape as soon as possible.  Once I’m pregnant, there’s no going back! Hahaha.

(this is what an hour and twenty minute long class will do to me)

I just can’t resist you - May 9, 2009

I love eating and reading at the same time – my parents say that reading will make me lose the enjoyment of eating food, but if anything, it enhances it for me.  And sometimes, I think I condition myself (yeah, Pavlov’s Dog V. II) to eat a certain type of food while reading a specific book.  Like when I was little, I would eat Hot Cheetos while I read this huge picture book of fairy tales – there are faint red smears on the pages.  I don’t eat Hot Cheetos as much as I used to, but whenever I do, I feel like settling down and reading a book while dipping my hand occasionally into the bag to grab those munchies.  (I sound like a fatass.)

When I get into something new, I get really into it! But then, that passion or whatever it is often lingers for a few weeks until it drifts away.  Most of the time, it comes back, though.  I’m just worried that it’ll be like that for my love life; I vividly remember REALLY LIKING SOMEONE, and then “turning off” my like for them.  It’s happened a couple of times, recently, too.  I honestly don’t know why it happens.  It’s not a conscious decision and it’s not something that they do – I think maybe it’s my subconscious guard against getting dumped or something.  “Leave before you’re left.” or something like that.  I mean, I think it’s smart, but it’s going to be really annoying IF I get serious with someone.

I’m just rambling now.  My thoughts are not connected whatsoever, hahaha.

And Rihanna is rumored to have taken nude pictures.  What is with celebrities and nude pictures?  I’m sure many couples do it, but if you were world-famous, wouldn’t you take more caution with your body?  Just my two-cents.